BLENDING IN

Blending in - it's an interesting concept. We are so obviously different here. Many people pay little attention to us as they go about their daily business but, at the same time you grow accustomed to the looks of surprise on the faces of others who don't expect to see you in their world. For many people we are a novelty and it is not unusual to walk down the street with children shouting "Hello!" after us until we disappear from sight.

There are times when I am so keen to blend in. Sometimes I feel like an awkward giant. Most Sri Lankan women are so slight and most places and things here are small and add to this my desire for a little extra personal space. Sometimes it's hard not to feel in the way. Sometimes I notice that we stand out because we always seem to have so much baggage. Sri Lankan people rarely seem to need to be carrying things whereas if we are going out it is rare for us not to need to take a backpack. But I try hard to look like I belong, I suppose mostly because I want to feel like I belong. So when we go out I will try my hardest to blend in.

There is one problem though. Can you guess what it is? That's it, my white, white skin. No matter how hard I try I will always stand out like a beacon once I move away from the main beach strip. As hard as I try, I think that my attempts to blend in will always be for naught. But this, in turn, raises a new possibility - not blending in. There are moments when you suddenly realise that if your best efforts to blend in are not going to be successful, you may as well go ahead and do something completely crazy. These are moments of madness, fun and freedom - moments of exhiliration. You find yourself running through the rain or trying to mime a story for children or leaving a shop with a lifetime's supply of biscuits and rice so that you can go and give them to complete strangers.

So do I really want to blend in? Truth is, I enjoy my moments of madness. And, although I dislike the fact that it is my colour that draws attention to me, I do like children saying "Hello" and I do like sharing smiles with people on the street. And I really like having the opportunity to show kindness to people in a way that I might not be able to if I was unnoticeable - not because I couldn't show kindness before but now people are a little more open to us. So I suppose if I can't change the situation - then bring it on!